every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
