The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
