so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Quick, to the slutcave!
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
