Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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