You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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