"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
