im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
