4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
