now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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