Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
