He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
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