He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
