well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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