Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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