Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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