She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
