i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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