I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
