1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I cannot find my penis.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
