Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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