flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
