you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize