You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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