just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Randomize
