How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
