I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
