AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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