Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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