I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
