Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
