are you still at the devil's house?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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