a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
