im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
