Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize