i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Help. Why am I so naked?
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