please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
