and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
