As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
