I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
