Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize