My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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