Your face is a jimmy john
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
