i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
