you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
