I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
