Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
