I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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