so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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