maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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