hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
