this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
they're like a gay fantastic four
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
