I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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