just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I understand Curling. That high.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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