I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
