even my farts smell like vagina
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
