new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
