Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
