I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
