haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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