I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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