I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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