three words: i give head
three words: not that well
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
