I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
