In the future we'll all be gay
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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