i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
