woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
