So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Randomize
