I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
