I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
