Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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