Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Randomize
