She said her name was "party"
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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