and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
