he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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