Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
