Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I am one with the molecules
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
