There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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