I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
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