3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
