Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
