Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
