I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize