he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
