I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
