haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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