so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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