i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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