i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
