I heard we made out
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
