Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize