that's an acceptable place to lick
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
