Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
