So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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