if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
