Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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