The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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