Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Randomize
